Too Big

Because I have a tendency to share how I feel without the benefit of a filter, I sometimes unintentionally embarrass people.  Some time ago, my retail boss decided he was going to turn the tables on me.  There is one brand of underwear that sells men’s jock straps as underwear.  Using advanced scientific knowledge and synthetic fabrics, underwear manufacturers have discovered ways to lift and push forward man’s privates in a pouch.  This type of underwear is purchased primarily by single men hoping to look sexy when their pants are down.  One day, my boss called me over to the underwear area.  When I got there, several employees were standing around trying to keep from giggling so I knew something was up.  My boss held up one of these jocks and suggested I might like to add it to my wardrobe.  Without skipping a beat, I took the jock and examined it.  I explained to him that I would never wear them because the pouch was far too large for my junk.  My privates would get lost in there.  As I walked away I heard the guys standing around telling my boss the obvious.  I had gotten away unscathed again.

2 thoughts on “Too Big

  1. A simple “too small” would suffice. Never let ’em see you sweat but you remember that from your military days. Were you commissioned via ROTC or OTS?


  2. I have found in my life experience that men describing their junk are like fishermen/women describing their catch. Measurements become exaggerated with no relationship to reality. As a result, I have decided not use the standard exaggerations since no one believes them anyway. I would prefer self-deprecating expressions like small and tiny. If someone wants to know the truth of my statements I can be convinced to prove or disprove what is true. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not cheap – I expect at least a Diet Coke or candy bar, but I’m also not shy.


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