I’ll Eat Your Hat

In my Mom’s later life she liked to go on shopping outings and I would take her to a mall at least once a month.  On one trip she found a straw hat she wanted.  I purchased the hat and eventually we headed home.  While we were on the highway, my Mom was holding the hat in her lap.  Out of the corner of my eye I could see her picking at the hat.  I asked her what was wrong and she told me it was covered with bugs and they were eating holes into the hat.  This was one of her hallucinations and I was not surprised.  To calm her about her new purchase I took the hat from her lap, opened the car window and reached out with the hat.  Then, while driving 60 miles an hour, I beat the hat against the outside of the car door.  I gave the hat back to Mom and asked if it was still covered in bugs.  She told me it was “bugless” and we drove home.  She remained quiet for the rest of the trip.  While I was in my bedroom changing, Ed asked Mom if she enjoyed the outing.  She told him the story about the hat and finished it up by saying, “I was afraid Kerry might hang me out the window and beat me against the car door like he did the hat so I stayed quiet”.  I hope she was kidding.  I would never do that.