Trunk of Junk

No surprise to many is the fact that men are very conscious of their genitalia. This is not a gay thing or a straight thing but a man thing. When I went to one of my early “gay” classes, I learned that within my world, men who were overly obsessed the the size of other men’s junk were called “Size Queens”. The instructor was asked what part of our population was made up of size queens and he replied that according to surveys, 95%. But he continued by saying further research determined that the remaining 5% were lying. Confidence, virility, ruggedness and personal power are all said to be impacted by men’s sacred parts. We try to find ways to determine size of manhood in peculiar ways. I have been told you can tell a man’s penis size by the size of his foot, the size of his fingers and even the size of his nose. I can’t imagine that any of these are, by themselves, accurate measurements but don’t tell that to the believers. A woman once told me she had two tests for a man to determine if she was interested in pursuing a relationship. The first was if she felt compelled to ask a date to stay for breakfast. The second was if a pair of men’s size 14 bedroom slippers fit him in the morning (she had purchased the slippers at a clearance sale just for this test). It gives an entirely new outlook on Cinderella’s glass slipper. Ed and I were once lucky enough to see the original David by Michelangelo in Florence once and the beauty and artistry in the sculpture brought tears to our eyes. In the back of my head I couldn’t help but think: “Mike, couldn’t you have used just a little more marble when you crafted the manly bits?”. When I have been in male circles and have listened to men talk about their privates (and they do), the information is presented just like the “fish that got away” stories, impressive yet unbelievable. The next time you hear a man talking about his junk, ask him if he’s a fisherman. He’ll get the drift.