On a busy Saturday, I was taking a break from selling shoes when business dropped off momentarily. I wasn’t really thinking about anything and was barely aware of the ambient noise around me. However, my ears perked up when I heard a man say: “Do you think these shoes are too gay?”. I looked around the department for the source of this deep philosophical question. I found that it was directed to the wife of a young man. Since they were not being helped, I rushed over and told the couple this was a question for which I have considerable expertise. I took shoe from the husband’s hands and started examining it. As I continued to turn the shoe over in my hands, I mumbled “uh-huh”, “uh-huh” as I checked the shoe over. I finally returned the shoes to the young man and told him: “Nope, they’re not too gay”. Instead of buying the shoes, the young couple fled the department and I’ve never saw them again. Apparently the young man had other issues with the shoes because they didn’t buy them even though I had given my seal of heterosexuality.