A couple of years ago I had a performance scheduled at the “Take Me Home Retirement Center”. I had been approached to perform about six weeks after I broke my hip. Initially I was reluctant because I was still required to use a walker. However, my reluctance melted when I found that the performance was going to be part of a gala 80th birthday celebration for a Texas icon – Miranda Holt. For those outside of Texas, Miranda was a social activist pursuing Texas lost causes. I decided to press forward and developed special routines to include my walker. The home’s dining room had been reserved for the occasion and a temporary ramp was installed giving me access to the stage. I found a jumbo box of multicolored condoms at the Dollar Store. I inflated them with helium and used them to decorate my walker. The night of the performance I was surprisingly cool as a cucumber without the stage fright I usually experience. A friend gave me a ride to the home since I still had driving restrictions and Ed was unavailable. Since I was physically unable to strip gracefully, I went on stage dressed in only a jock strap and a John Deere gimme cap. Of course I had my prosthetic device which is with me for all my performances. Initially, my act was clumsy and I realized I should have taken a couple more pain pills. My prosthetic device kept getting caught on the bars in the front of my walker and, when I did my standard booty shake, my bottom kept hitting the sides of the walker. I took the risky move of turning my walker backwards and the rest of the show was a piece of cake. after a rocky start the remainder of the show was supurb. I modified my traditional booty shake to a booty lift to avoid hitting the sides of the walker. At the end, I was showered by quarters, dimes and nickels (money for most residents of the “Take Me Home Retirement Center” is now managed by their next of kin). As I was making my final bows, my friend came out to gather the coins on the floor and put them in the pouch of the jock. This was not a good move because the pouch was so full of coins I couldn’t walk without the jock falling off from the weight. My friend helped me by cupping his hands under the pouch to keep it from dropping.