My Life as a Male Stripper (7)

About 15 years ago I was asked to perform at a private poolside party.  As I’m sure you’ve seen on earlier posts, I’m no stranger to private party performances.  I’m always looking for new venues for my act so I eagerly jumped at the chance to build a show around water.  In preparation for the gig, I spent all of my free time for a week watching old Esther Williams films (for my younger friend I would suggest you Google Esther Williams).  She was our greatest aquatic Hollywood actress.  Next, I decided my look would be a Poseidon look alike.  I had a trident made by a metal worker and hired a seamstress to make the rest of my costume.  My ample athletic supporter designed to comfortable contain my custom prosthetic devise was blue with yellow lightning bolts sewn over the pouch.  As usual, I had the normal snaps down the sides for quick removal.  Since, in many depictions, Poseidon wears a loin cloth, I had a blue one made with fake fish and seaweed sewn around the bottom hem.  Also, in classic Ester Williams fashion, I wore a swim cap with more fish and seaweed sewn into it.   I asked the hostess to place a platform next to the pool (she used a steamer chest covered with a table cloth).  When the big day came, I came out of the house with a terry cloth robe and walked out to the platform.  The crowd was a good one aided by the alcohol which was flowing freely.  I started my “Dance of the One Eyed Snake” when I dropped my robe.  When I threw the loin cloth behind me, the crowd was enthralled.  Finally, when I pulled off the athletic supporter exposing my prosthetic device, the crowd jumped to their feet.  The grand finale was going to be a dive into the pool from the platform gracefully gliding to the ladder on the other side of the pool.  Unfortunately, I expected the prosthetic device to have buoyancy.  Instead, it dropped like a stone and, being attached to my body, the rest of me followed.  I unsuccessfully tried to rise to the water’s surface and, failing that, I had to walk along the bottom of the pool to the shallow end until I finally reached the kiddy stairs.  It was a tragic end to a great performance.  You could hear a pin drop as I climbed the stairs out of the pool.  I continued to have problems for another three days because, to insure the prosthetic device remained attached when wet, I had used epoxy glue.  I could not get the device off of me for several days because of the seal caused by the epoxy.  A couple of days after the performance I was in the bathroom yanking and jerking the device trying to get if off.  Ed came into the bathroom without my hearing him – awkward.   The only good thing that came about as a result of this experience was the attention I got for several days as a result of the huge lump in my trousers.

(The origin of my prosthetic device is discussed in “My Life as a Male Stripper (2)” posted on June 12, 2015)