Short Clips

Recently at my retail gig, a woman sought out my advice on pajamas for her husband. I explained that I haven’t worn pajamas for over 40 years. As a result, I don’t have any personal experience with sleepwear in the store. I told her I couldn’t even imagine how much money I had saved over the years. However, Polo seemed to be a popular brand with other customers. When I got home, I caught hell from my husband who told me I should never use the word “naked” with strangers.

Another recent experience at my gig was when I was cashiering for a couple. I asked them how they wanted to pay and the husband asked if cash was ok. I assured him I accepted any legitimate tinder except for chickens. I explained I don’t take chickens because they poop behind the register. Unfortunately, my manager was working nearby and could overhear my comments. After my customers left, she quickly came over and told me never use the word “poop” with any customers again. Really, that’s a rule?

Later that day, I took a cash payment from a couple of young men. When I was putting the bills away, I found that the place for dollar bills was so full I couldn’t get any more singles in there. Without thinking, I told the guys that a stripper must have been a customer earlier because I had never seen that many $1 bills in the drawer before. My manager overheard my comments and once again came over to let me know I should add the word “stripper” to the word “poop” as words I should never use with my customers.

Today was a fun day at the retail gig. First of all, I worked with a very nice guy in a nearby department whose name is Trixie James. I know that a name should not be an indicator of sexual orientation but, yes, he’s gay. He’s very good at his job and very solicitous to customers. He always gives service at 110% levels. Today I observed him working with a young man and the service he was providing exceeded his normal high level. His customer turned away to look at an item and I saw the reason for his increased service level. While the young man was looking at the other merchandise, Trixie looked at him like a starving man looking a hot dog. I got his attention to let him know his thoughts were clearly visible. He came over to explain he was trying to give his customer a memorable shopping experience. I corrected him and said he was actually making mental pornography. We agreed to disagree.

Later this afternoon, a group of five physically large, muscular men came in together to look at shoes. They were gathered around one display table when I went up to see if I could help them. Before I could finish the question I was overcome by the strong herbal odor. I stopped mid-sentence exclaimed: “Oh no, contact high!  Contact high!  I think I’m going to fall!” I then pretended to stagger and fall into a chair. The five guys gave me a completely stunned look for a few very long minutes and then started laughing hysterically. I love messing with folks that are high.