On the Occasion of My Birth

I thought I would share the story of my birth which is putting together information shared with me by my mother and embedded memories. As I started developing a consciousness in the womb I found I had everything I wanted and needed. It was warm, comfortable, all the food I could eat and I even had a favorite spot. That was back in the day when pregnant women weren’t given lists of all the things that were bad for them. My Mom didn’t drink much but we shared the occasional cocktail in the evening. When it came time for me to enter the world, I decided I was perfectly content with my current environment and resisted any attempt made to encourage my departure. Apparently, after a month of successful resistance, a date was set by my Mom’s doctor to force me into the “outside world”. I have vague memories of that day trying to escape from forceps and what looked to be a tiny cattle prod. I lost that battle and upon being forcibly removed from the only home I had ever know, I was held upside down by my feet and slapped hard on my naked bottom. This was an incredible indignity since I was accustomed to doing the slapping, punching and kicking without retribution. It is a medical fact that a fetus is fully developed at 9 months. Do you know what happens when they remain in the womb longer than 9 months? Do they develop more brain power or more powerful limbs? No, they just get fat. I was told by my Mom I was between 10 and 11 pounds when I was born. If this is true, I’m surprised my Mom ever liked me. This baby fat stuck with me until I was five or six when I began slimming down. When you see me today with my Greek god type physique it’s hard to believe I was ever that fat kid.