My Life as a Male Stripper (9)

One of the things I most enjoyed about my “post-retirement” retail jobs was been working with the kids. Kids are those freshly scrubbed young men and women under 21. They think I’m full of wisdom and believe everything I say. I have a couple of stories what are my favorites to tell my younger friends. One of them is about my career as a male stripper. Although skeptical at first, I explain how I’ve been doing variations of my act for 40 years and have a large number of loyal fans. Even though there are disadvantages of this career choice at my age, I continue for my followers. I had a big blow out performance in December at the Golden Acres Retirement Center which was planned to be my swan song retirement performance. You might think my problems would be my vitality and, frankly, my body at this time of life. Neither of these are actual problems. Because of always being hyper I seem to have plenty of vigor and, surprising to many, beneath my neck I still have the body of a Greek god. My problems are that my fans and I have aged together. I have to go to where they are which is retirement homes and assisted living centers. Instead of proper stages in clubs, I now find myself dancing on folding tables in cafeterias which are not steady and unsafe. Also, my audiences don’t control their own money anymore so instead of tips of $5’s, $10’s and $20’s, I end up with nickels, dimes and quarters being thrown at me (the audience is told at the beginning to keep their pennies). When your slightly creped skin is pelted with waves of coins flying through the air, I’m here to tell you, it hurts. And it becomes very difficult to walk when you have several pounds of coins in the pouch of your thong. At what was supposed to be my retirement performance the fans swarmed me in their wheel chairs and walkers imploring me not to quit yet. Because of the feelings of adulation I get from their energy and because of the good condition of my prosthetic device making my nom de plume “The Longest Day” possible, I agreed to two more performances this year. My life is blessed.