Kerry is a slightly demented old man who observes life in a quirky way. Having long ago lost his ability to filter his speech in any way, it's not uncommon for him to say things that are inappropriate. Unfortunately for those people who cross his path, Kerry is unable to allow strangers to pass without talking to them. While his comments don't surprise friends they can sometimes startle strangers. Fortunately, Kerry lives with the love of his life and straight laced husband of over 40 years, Ed. They live a surprisingly happy life together in Dallas, TX. All of the stories that are included here are actual occurrences. Because of Kerry's slight dementia and his love for double entendre/innuendo it can be assumed that a liberal dose of artistic license is included in his writings. The one exception are the stories that are in the category "Senior Stripper". The stripper in these stories is Kerry's alter ego, "The Longest Day", Kerry himself. Kerry and Ed met in the USAF and have been together ever since. The two of them have had a variety of careers and lived in a variety of places. They have a son and daughter-in-law in rural Indiana who they are very proud of and who complement their lives. One of the pleasures Ed and Kerry have pursued over the years has been travelling the world. They have visited multiple locations on six of the seven continents.
Yesterday I had a guy put a pair of nasty/sexy underwear on the counter and asked me if they were on sale. I apologized telling him the underwear he selected was NEVER on sale because the guys who purchase it were actually having sex. I explained that retailers know men will pay full price for … More Nasty/Sexy Underwear
In my Mom’s later life she liked to go on shopping outings and I would take her to a mall at least once a month. On one trip she found a straw hat she wanted. I purchased the hat and eventually we headed home. While we were on the highway, my Mom was holding the … More I’ll Eat Your Hat
During the last years of my Mom’s life, she had a lot of health problems including a particularly nasty type of dementia. She would very often have unpleasant hallucinatins that were very real to her. Because of her multiple health problems, she lived with Ed and I for a little more than a decade. One … More Imaginary Exterminator
The 4th of July is here and it has caused me to reminisce about some of my earlier holiday performances. This holiday has always been a busy one for “The Longest Day” (my nom de plume). One holiday about a decade ago, I designed and wore one of my most creative costumes. I decided to … More My Life as a Male Stripper (5)
Because I have a tendency to share how I feel without the benefit of a filter, I sometimes unintentionally embarrass people. Some time ago, my retail boss decided he was going to turn the tables on me. There is one brand of underwear that sells men’s jock straps as underwear. Using advanced scientific knowledge and … More Too Big
One of the things I must admit I enjoy to the chagrin of friends and my husband is scaring people. I haven’t always enjoyed this activity. I learned the joy of startling others because of the person who taught me the meaning of joy – Ed. Although I consider this activity bad behavior, I nonetheless … More Scary
A couple of decades ago I was in Manhattan on business. One day I finished my appointments by midafternoon and found myself near a Greenwich Village. I went in to have a quick drink before heading to my hotel. The bar was almost deserted and I watched a game show on TV while nursing my … More Flattery?
There used to be a woman I knew at my retail gig who was a “fragrance lady”. You know who I’m talking about – you walk into a department store and suddenly you have a card smelling like perfume in your hand. I saw this woman frequently and we would joke around with each other. … More Horizontal Mambo
For those of you that don’t know, gaydar is a real talent which gives a person the innate ability to be able to tell if a man is gay at a glance. Because of my advanced age, my gaydar is finely tuned and very rarely wrong. I have tried to use this talent for good … More Gaydar
Today I was finishing up with a customer at the cash register while my manager was on the other side of the department. A customer approached him with a floor sample asking for a size 10.5. From across the room he asked if I would help the customer. I told him I would be right … More Catch!
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